Deployment Yuck

Deployment.

For those that know it; that is all I need to say.
Today marks one month down.
Today was the first good day that I feel like I've had since the love of my life deployed, again.

That is not to say that everything and every day has been all bad. Nor was everything about today all good. But, I think it is safe to say that I am finally coming out of that high stress upward curve of the deployment curve. I think we may be starting to get our groove.

I had even woken up thinking today would be really rough after a night of not much sleep due to very frequent feedings from Rolli. (And, no, he has not slept through the night yet - he'll get there... maybe) I also had a not so great run/walk due to my hip pain, but I did get out there and get about 2.5 miles in. But, Rolli woke up happy from his nap today for the first time in a very long time. We played outside. We got a few chores accomplished. I cooked a fresh dinner that he actually ate. He tried going potty (peeing on the stool on the way onto the potty). I talked to my love for the first time in just over a week. I created our Christmas card. I'm writing this ... what????!!! Good day.

Rolli had really kicked up the toddler tantrum type behaviors right after my hubby left. Now we are reading his book about Daddy being away, leaving messages for Daddy on Voxer, and carrying a picture of Daddy around. I know he would probably really like a daddy doll, but I'm trying to respect my husband's loathing for them. Carrying a picture is the same idea; just not as soft. He fell asleep tonight with Daddy clutched in his hand.

 

The deployment stress really piled up for me the first few weeks. I just felt like I was failing at everything and could not get anything accomplished. While I still feel some of that same ineptitude with life on some days or with some things, the cloud is slowly starting to lift a little.

Hiring a lawncare company was something I didn't think I wanted to do, but I think that is one of the things that has helped make the turn for me on my level of stress. I actually don't mind doing yard work. If I could wear Rolli while I mow and such, it would not be an issue. However, since I would probably be arrested for child endangerment mowing with him on me, I have to use alternate options.

There are certain chores around the house that plague me. I also have felt like I'm neglecting my child if I spend the entire day cleaning the house. As I'm sure most of you moms know, it can completely consume the day to get/keep the house clean. Every Single Day. I read a blog post today that a friend had shared that put a new perspective on it for me. The blogger wrote about how we lose perspective on the every day things, but a parent that just lost their child would love to have to be cleaning up their mess. It made me think for sure. I also thought about how doing the chores with Rolli is teaching him valuable skills for his life. I have known this for a very long time. We practiced it in my classroom at A. Sophie Rogers Lab School. Rolli has always "helped" me load and unload the laundry and he loves to "help" me sweep the kitchen floor. I have just also been feeling guilty about doing too much of those things and not enough of my teacher instinct planned experiences/lesson plan sorts of things. I'm not sure why I've been feeling that way, though, since sweeping, washing, cleaning, etc. are excellent planned experiences and lesson plans as well. The more chores we do now while they are fun to him; the more he will hopefully carry that with him and not turn out to be a slob.  And hopefully he will soon actually help me with them and not just "help" me do chores!