The nursing resurgence

A couple months ago I thought that weaning was nearly coming to an end. Rolli was down to only one nursing at bedtime before falling asleep for the night. He was sleeping in his room all the way through the night. He would wake up and ask for breakfast and did not mention nursing. 

Then, he grew tall enough to twist the doorknob and open the door all by himself. He now joins our bed in the middle of the night. EVERY NIGHT. He asks to nurse in the middle of the night and in the morning. 

At first I thought... Growth spurt. Now, I have stopped obliging the middle of the night nursing and only nurse him after 5 AM. (I know 5 is still the middle of the night to some, but life in the military starts a little bit earlier than the civilian world.) I am contemplating stopping the morning nursing, but my sleepy morning self would rather give in than deal with whiny crying in the wee hours. 

I wonder if he sensed the end of nursing was coming and is clinging on to it. I want to do child led weaning, yet right now it seems at a point where we have turned back from the light at the end of the tunnel. And just the fact that I am using that turn of phrase tells me how done I am beginning to feel. 

I am so grateful we have made it over 2 years. I love the bonding that it still provides. Yet, this breastfeeding mama is starting to feel shackled by the time spent nursing. 

I'm sure we will still breastfeed a bit longer. How much longer? I can't say. It still reassures me he is getting nutrients on nights that he hardly touches dinner. It is still the quickest way to calm him during his "danger zone" time right before bed when every action threatens a trip to the ER. It still gives me a few more precious winks of sleep in the morning. 

So maybe we aren't done nursing. But thankful we could in the first place.